Today (well, yesterday) was sort of a crumb bum day.
I was on track most of the day, and fell apart in the evening. Tried to go for an afternoon walk to hit 10k steps, got rained on and had to turn back. Got irrationally frustrated with my FitBit app's elusive calorie goal. Spent the last hour of the day crying to my husband.
Woke up this morning, looked at the calendar, and realized I am halfway through my cycle, and should probably be kinder to myself for the next two weeks. (I get HORRIBLE PMS. Like I'm sure if I went to a doctor for it, they would actually diagnose it as PMDD.) I am going to be an angry, weepy, exhausted, chocolate craving mess the whole time.
I think really I am just overwhelmed by the next four weeks looming over my head. I went into this wanting to make many small changes in order to build healthy, sustainable habits. Right now, in my irrational hormone-induced state, I feel like a prisoner. The idea that I will have to consciously think about every bite of food I ever eat is daunting.
I am also so frustrated at my body. Five years ago, I was forty pounds lighter. Granted, I was in my twenties, waitressing, going dancing every weekend, and living on a diet of vodka and cigarettes. I accept that I will never again wear size 8 jeans. I actually like being a little bigger. I like some of my curves. I like the fact that I have WAY more muscle tone. I just want to be a little smaller than I am right now, and be able to sustain it without dieting. I want to enjoy being active because it's fun, not because I am trying to keep twenty pounds at bay. And I feel like I am just getting bigger and bigger. I just want to be a good weight and stay there.
I suppose this rant isn't very Body Positive of me, eh? So much for loving myself. What I REALLY should be doing instead of boo hoo hooing into my coffee, is see a doctor and make sure there isn't some underlying health issue going on. I am generally in very good health- I don't take any medication, I don't have any significant issues that require monitoring. When I go to the doctor, it's usually for a minor infection. So I guess the weight I'm at is healthy, as I am healthy and active. I just don't love where I am at right now. I don't feel sexy. I feel droopy.
But tomorrow (today) is a new day! So let's start over, shall we?
No #OOTD, but here's some shots of dinner, which was super delicious. I cleaned out the fridge. Any leftovers that were still good went into our weekly leftover salad. This one is grilled steak, baby spinach, arugula (it's a VEG et a BUL!) chopped apple, a handful of cheddar, and walnuts. Dressed with fresh cracked tricolor pepper, EVOO, and apple cider vinegar.
I have a theory about what comprises a perfectly balanced salad- greens, a fruit, a nut, a cheese, a protein/meat, and one other vegetable (optional). You need to balance out bright/tart/acidic flavors with something chewy/savory/salty. Otherwise, it just feels like a chore to eat.
I had a parsnip that was about to turn, so i chopped that up. Threw in some fresh garlic, chopped carrots and sweet potatoes, fresh rosemary, EVOO, cracked pepper, and fleur de sel. Roasted in the oven for 45 minutes. Didn't get to eat it last night, as I ended up making too much food. This will be awesome with lunch today!
My husband and I often make mini pizzas for dinner. Good way to use up little bits of leftover meat, veggies, and cheese- and it's kind of a fun activity to do together. His is more traditional. Mine is the one with pesto as a base instead of marinara.
Here's our table, decorated for Halloween.